I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
