You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
