How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
