I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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