I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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