Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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