My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
