"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
