thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
