so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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