dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
there is glitter all over my balls
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