some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
