new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
His nipple licking is glorious
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