we have pet lesbian snakes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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