I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize