so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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