ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
