I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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