how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
