So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
