If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
