How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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