My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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