She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
