There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
