is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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