dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
