I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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