I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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