I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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