Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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