dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
