i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
