Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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