I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
