White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
