I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Even my vagina gasped.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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