Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So vagazzling was a success
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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