Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
