Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
