Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
