Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
