the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
