Acid is not a monday night drug
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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