Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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