They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
