do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
