You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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