u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
