so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
