This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
