You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
