Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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