the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I believe in your delicious
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
