would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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