Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
