Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
