I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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