don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
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is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
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So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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