Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
