WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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