Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
